Four Years of Rejection

A few days ago, I cried. I cried quiet happy tears. I can't remember the last time I cried happy tears. But it was good. It was like a weight was lifted. It was like the clouds had opened up. It was that comforting voice that said, "You good, girl!" It was called clarity. 

I was crying happy tears because of rejection. For the past four years, in a pretty consistent rhythm, I had been rejected (or unsupported) in my friendships, relationships, career, and other opportunities. I don't have to describe how rejection makes a person feel. You know how it feels. You know how it looks. You know how it clouds your judgement and it makes you feel less than. You know how you start questioning your worth and purpose and all that.

Well, a few days ago, clarity came.

Ok, let me backtrack to bring you up to speed.

In early December 2016, I was presented with an opportunity to re-visit/re-engage a particular opportunity. In this, I prayed that God be very intentional about this situation and provide true clarity no matter how it looked or felt. If the situation was not conducive to my overall being/energy/head space, I gave Him "permission" to remove it. So fast-forward to a few days ago, I asked (someone) a question. And God answered. He spoke in the face of rejection. It was sugar-coated, which is even worse than a hard-core, decisive "no." But nevertheless it was a "no." Rejection.

I don't think rejection ever felt as good as it did a few weeks ago. And even as I write this, I'm smiling with content. The tears were happy. They were excited. They were relieved. For a peace of mind. For the past that was and the present that wasn't. For the closed door. There was joy. In that moment , I remembered how far I had come, how many times I had been told no within four years - by the same people, by the new people, by family, by friends, and by jobs. I thought about how many times I'd been told I wasn't the right fit or good enough for a situation/friendship/relationship, how many times I had questioned myself and wondered "but why not?" 

The answer: It's not for you. That relationship is not for you. That friendship is not for you. That job is not for you. Because there's something so much better.

Every time I didn't get the support I wanted, the love I wanted, the care I wanted, or even the promotion I wanted, I got something else - something greater, something remarkable. Literally, every single time I've gotten rejected, I've gotten better than what I initially asked for or ever thought I needed. 

So this time, I cried happy tears, and thanked God for confirming that there's something better. As the saying goes, "God's rejection is God's protection." And who can be mad at that?! So for the relationships that failed, the friendships that withered, the opportunities that never happened, and the jobs I never got, thank God I got better!!

Can any of you relate?