Reflecting
If I began to unload the details of this year - the people, places and circumstances I’ve encountered - there would be jaws dropping, a little bit of disbelief, some head shaking, eyes bulging, major side eyeing, head scratching, some laughter and applause, gratitude and some hearty prayers, but we just don’t have that kind of time.
2018 has been one for the books - unimaginably challenging. This year has stretched me. But if I’m being completely honest, every year seems to be more challenging than the one previously. And if I’m taking the high road, I’ll just call all of it growth.
The year started off hella threatening and intense - smothering even. And the smoke is only recently starting to lighten a bit.
All and all, it has been a year of confirmations, boundaries and overall personal growth. There was confirmation in overall health - professionally, socially and personally. In all areas, I have realized what I need and deserve more than EVER. It became so apparently clear that allowing anything contrary, at this point, is simply detrimental.
This year, I listened to my soul/intuition when I needed boundaries, when I needed to pause and when I needed to stop some shit altogether. I accepted all of the warning signs for face value and ran fast towards more peaceful ground.
Someone flat out told me that they did not like my boundaries. Most times the signs and messages are loud and clear and there is no code to crack. It is only us who get in our own way and suffer consequences later. As the saying goes, “when someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them.” And I did. And I ran with so much unapologetic gratitude. And it felt great.
The thing is, there is something to be said about trusting your gut. The thing is, intuition is that friend who never mumbles “I told you so” when you refuse to listen the first time and shit hits the fan. Or when you think you have all the answers and you still manage to fuck up. And no matter how many times you ignore her, she is always still rooting for you. Genuinely. That’s intuition. So this year I listened more times than I ignored her, and it was freeing. And less complicated.
A nugget of personal growth surfaced when I had to decide whether to meet people where they were or walk away, all while being okay with either decision - because boundaries and my own mental space are paramount. And whatever is decided needs no apology because apologizing for taking care of yourself is just silly.
In a nutshell, 2018 was a year of inward focus and listening and advocating for myself. Painful and necessary. I know it is not over but I am still here.
