In the Moment

With everyone reflecting on the past year, and thinking about the future, it's so easy to lose focus of the now. We often take it for granted. We miss those special moments that are right at our fingertips.  

With so many distractions, it's easy to forget that it's okay to dive in and get lost in what's happening in front of us.

I'll never forget the day I found out I was pregnant.

I'll also never forget the day I found out I was having a boy. At the doctor's office, lying down and looking at the screen, anxious. Anticipating the nurse's translation of what she saw. 

"A boy!"

Disbelief, because I still couldn't believe that life was actually growing inside of me. I was relieved to know that that life was a boy, simply because I couldn't think of any girl names. Immediately, I felt the weight of responsibility. It was scary and humbling.

I left the the doctor's office and headed to Barnes and Noble in search of a new journal. I wanted to write love letters to my son. I had planned to note the experience of motherhood (however it looked and felt), while leading up to his 18th birthday. People had warned me numerous times that "kids grow up so fast." So journaling would help me stay in the moment as much as possible; I really wanted to cradle the moments and feelings tightly (and forever).

These days I catch myself staring at Harlem - in awe and admiration of who he is already and who he'll become. I laugh because he's so animated and at times, ridiculously dramatic. I smile watching him get excited over his obsession: Hot Wheels, Paw Patrol, and sports. I even envy his dedication to be totally engulfed in whatever's in front of him. Being present, at my age, takes effort. As we get older, we tend to lose this skill of getting lost (on purpose). The funny thing is - Harlem is exactly what I prayed for - bubbly, rambunctious, strong-willed.

I pray he never loses his happiness and fearlessness...or his talent of being totally committed to being in the now.